I feel a bit “something in the air” tonight.
Maybe it’s because I’ve just been for a rather delicious run round Bute Park – it really is stunning tonight. I didn’t take an ipod, just ran around with a smile on my face thinking, this place is gorgeous! I remember in first year, mine not being the easiest start to uni life, it was “discovering” Bute Park that made me start liking Cardiff. I love having that green space right on my doorstep, it’s inspiring. I feel better when I’ve been outside – and I didn’t want to waste as nice an evening as this.
I guess it’s true that running clears your head as, coming back in now, things feel a little more crystallised. I had a bad couple of weeks with everything – not knowing where I was going to live, hoping and hoping I can live with Rob, but this being dependant on soo many things… that are just out of my control. Plus a pretty horrible fight with my mum, which is rare for us – making it even more horrible. Slowly though, I feel like I’ve moved out of the thunderstorm. I feel a bit calmer now. My best friend told me, there is no point worrying about things you can’t control. Worry about what you can. (She is also the girl who once convinced me such things as mudsharks and equatorial penguins existed… But sometimes she does give good advice.)
There’s been a couple of Cardiff job interviews, sadly unsuccessful, but when you look at it realistically, you can understand why. It’s kind of hard to get a job that you can’t necessarily 100% commit too yet – because he doesn’t know yet if he’ll have interviews for pupillage. Which may not be in Cardiff.
It’s this not knowing yet, can’t commit yet, that’s been driving us both crazy. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that I am a girl who likes a plan. And then a plan B, just in case. So I found myself, with every new happening, putting an imaginary strategy into place. “OK, so if that happens, then we’ll do this, and then this… and if this happens, we’ll do this first, and then this…” – people, a word of advice. Plans are good, yes. Travelling taught me that, if anything. But you can’t live your life endlessly trying to pin yourself to a course.
I found myself on the train back at the weekend (trains are good places for thinking, I find. Again, sans ipod – coincidence?) considering the possibility of moving to Liverpool in a year or so. It might happen. It might not be London – and is that a bad thing? I’ll admit, I had a wobble. More because Liverpool is northern and unknown and not something I ever envisaged. But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t be good, just because I’d never kind of intended to do it.
So, new plan: less planning. You’re supposed to have adventures. That’s something I have always intended to do. If you always did what you always thought you’d do, you’ll never know what could have been. It might be better.
(The one thing that run hasn’t done any wonders for though is my back… must buy running shoes!!!)