Support system

You know I said yesterday there was a sentimental post coming? Well, here it is.

My boyf is training to be a barrister. He’s got 4 months and a fair few exams left to go. And it’s hard work. 

I like that at least this year he’s in Cardiff, not Oxford, so I can keep an eye on him a bit better. And take him cakes. And I’m trying to be the uber supportive girlfriend, I honestly am. Let him just get on with everything and not bother him, that’s what he needs me to do. That’s what I WANT him to do – to get his head down to get it down. And that’s what I DO do – particularly the cake delivery part. But I’ll be honest, I miss him a bit. I know he’d probably rather hang out than do work (hopefully anyway), but I don’t want to be a distraction. He’s got a lot of stuff he needs to get done, and I’m not going to be the thing that stops that happening.

And I’m good at that, 99.9% of the time. But this evening exemplifies that 0.1%. I’ve been a bit scratchy and grumpy since I got in, despite a good 40 minutes on the bike after work. Usually when I’m a bit restless the gym helps, but no joy ce soir. I don’t even know why I’m in a grump (such a girl thing to say) – I had a really good day today! But talking to him just now I’m annoyed with myself for whinging at him, about things that just are not problems, especially in the context of what he’s got on. I didn’t want to, but he could tell there was something, and it just came out, and the more I talked about it the more I wound up I got. Because I know it’s really NOT a big deal, and because I was burdening him with my stupid non-problems when he hasn’t even finished work for the night. And I don’t like it when he works this late. Especially when it’s my stupid whinging making him work later. I dig myself into these holes.

Ugh. It shouldn’t even be about me. It’s NOT about me. I’m such a rubbish girlfriend sometimes.


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