ups and downs

Feel a bit frustrated at the moment. The bit I’ll be working in hasn’t been finished, and I’ve seen other jobs advertised and keep thinking – should I sack this in and apply? Not quite in that order, obviously. It would be stupid to leave earning some money for straightforward unemployment. But do you ever feel a like you’re wasting yourself?

It’s hard to see job vacancies for the kind of role I really want and think no, I won’t apply. The driven part of me is saying damn it woman! What are you waiting for? And the other part, the stolid, sensible part, is saying no – stick with this and it’ll pay off. I find it hard to be a risk-taker: I have a history of panicking and rushing into things, then having to back out. But opportunities today have such time limits on them, sometimes you do just have to rush into something, even if in total blind faith.

I don’t know. Just a bit down about it all today really. And the whole point of this blog was to show people what it’s like to be a graduate day to day. And it really is ups and downs, good days and bad.

The up came yesterday and I realised it was because I was working on something I genuinely love doing, helping make a magazine. When I get the chance to do things like that it just completely crystallises for me that it’s what I want to be doing, all day, every day. I know that the job I’ve got right now definitely makes sense. But the fact that something makes sense doesn’t necessarily make it easy. It’s the old head versus heart argument again.

I didn’t want this blog to be a place to rant, and I hope that isn’t what it’s becoming! But I want to use this post to just be really honest about how I’m feeling and where I’m coming from. Hopefully it’ll resonate with some of you – and if not, I promise it won’t happen again!

Ups next please!

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